Tag Archives: mercy

December 12, 2016

Good morning! I had intended to write this post about the peaceful mornings but plans changed. I started my day as usual and the kids actually slept in a bit so I was not being hurried to get breakfast ready and on the table.

I sat down with my coffee and reflected on a few things. One of which was yesterday’s sermon about clinging to grace. We need to remember that when times are hard and nothing seems to be going right that we still have grace to carry us through. We need to keep holding fast to the promises that God has given us. He has a plan for us and He knows what we need even we don’t really have a clue.

I have had many a day when I have felt so discouraged and sad. Part of this is due to the fact that I don’t have someone to walk alongside of. Someone to share my little joys with or someone to hold me when I am down. I do miss having someone to hold my hand or the feeling of someone coming up behind me and wrapping their arms around me and holding me tight. I sometimes long to have someone to talk to about my day or being able to listen to someone tell me about their day. I miss having someone to snuggle close to when the nights are cold or when I don’t want to get up in the morning.

I try my best not to dwell on these feelings as I know that God is in control. I know that right now my focus needs to be on Him and the rest will fall into place. He is always there and will never leave me. He knows the innermost thoughts of my heart and all of my desires. He will comfort me like no one else can. I know that if it is in His will for me to have someone beside me He will allow our paths to cross.

So for now I will continue to pray for His wisdom and guidance, not only for myself, but for the one He has chosen for me. I pray that God will bless Him beyond measure and supply all his needs. I pray that  He will guide him and protect him and that He will surround Him with people who will encourage him. I pray that God will continue to mold him and shape him into the man God intends him to be.

I don’t know God’s will or His plans for my life but I know that He loves me and only wants the best for me. I also know that a lot of my problems have been because I wasn’t patient enough and didn’t wait for Him to reveal His plan to me. I tried to do things my own way and they didn’t turn out the way I had planned. I’ve made so many mistakes and suffered so many failures.

I pray that God will continue to work in my life and mold me and shape me into the person He wants me to be. I know that He can turn mistakes into miracles and that God has not forgotten about me. I pray that if it is not His will for me to have someone to walk with that He will fill my heart with joy and help me to be content where I am right now.

Right now, I will keep my focus on Him and on the job He has blessed me with as a mother and a keeper of my home. This is an important job that He has placed on me and it is full of responsibilities. My attitude and behavior will influence everyone around me especially my children. God calls us to show His love to all of those around us and I pray that everyone I meet can see how His love overflows from my heart. I pray that everyone around me will always feel loved, welcomed, safe, and comforted when they enter into our home.

Yes, it would be so much easier if I had someone to help me shoulder the many burdens of raising a family and keeping a home but God will give me the strength I need. I don’t really look at my role as a burden as I try to do everything with a servant’s heart because I love my family. So I will try not to be discouraged and I will keep singing His praises because God is so good to me! He has blessed me, an unworthy sinner, and He has loved me and shown me His grace and mercy. So for now I will indeed continue to cling to that grace and allow it to carry me through this difficult part of my journey.

December 3, 2016

Good morning everyone! It is such a beautiful day, isn’t it? I hope you all answered a big ‘Yes’.God is so good to us each and everyday. My cup is truly overflowing this morning. He has blessed us so richly and many times we just take those blessings for granted.

I am thanking him today for my family, for our health, for a roof over our heads, for food on the table, for the clothes on our backs, and the shoes on our feet. He supplies us with all of our needs and so many of our wants. Thank you Lord for being so good to me, my family, my friends, and the one who is reading this right now!

Yesterday I finally managed to get all of the Fall decor down and out to the building. DD17 helped me to carry out the totes. While we were in the building, which is a big mess, we dug out the Christmas totes and carried them to the house as well. I also restacked some of the other totes to make it easier when we need to retrieve them in the future. I am in the process of color coding our holiday decor so we can immediately tell by looking at a tote what is in it. This will help when I assign future tasks for the kids to help me with.

I am sitting at the island right now drinking my cup of coffee, typing this post, and working on my To-Do list. ( I am also messaging my friend and listening to some Christmas music as well.) The kids are finishing up their breakfast, Dutch Puff, and discussing their plans for the day which makes me smile.We do have one case of the grumpies, DS3, who kept insisting that he ‘needed’ brownies for breakfast.

They made brownies last night with DS17. Then while the brownies were baking we worked on our Advent Study, which I still need to pull out the nativity scene, and then enjoyed some warm brownies. I am really thankful that I did manage to get some of it together as the kids are enjoying it. I know when I get the nativity set out and they actually get to do the activities suggested they will enjoy this study even more.

So now we have a mountain of green totes in the Living room. This makes DS14 crazy but I have assured him that they will be out of the way soon. My kitchen island looks so bare right now, actually the whole kitchen does as it held the majority of the Fall decor, but I will use this as a chance to give it a good cleaning.

My To-Do list for the day also includes getting my stack of Christmas card addressed and ready to mail. I really hope that I can get them in the mail but that will be a bonus if it happens. I have the cards, the stamps, and the addresses on my desk so it probably won’t take too awful long to get them finished up. It is just finding a moment to actually sit down and work on it that my prove difficult.

We also plan to put up a few of our holiday decorations today. Yesterday the kids did stick Santa in the yard but someone had pulled him off his stake before we managed to get all the totes in the house. So that probably needs some attention too. We decided to wait until St. Nicholas day (December 6th) to put up our tree and the anticipation is driving the littles crazy! I don’t really know if there is a ‘right’ time to put up the tree. I figured we would do a lesson on St. Nicholas and try to incorporate the tree decorating into the lesson.

I’ve also noticed that something got into the trash bin during the night. So that will be on the top of my list to take care before the wind blows it all over the yard. It is an unpleasant task but needs to be done. Sometimes taking care of the not so fun things first will motivate me to take care of the other things on my list.

For now though I am going to enjoy a few minutes with the littles. DS3 has brought his plate to the island and is sitting beside me. DS4 is dragging sheets and blankets to the laundry room and just informed me that he had wet the bed last night. That doesn’t happen often and I know that accidents will happen from time to time.

It makes my heart happy to see that he is attempting to help with the clean up and that he is admitting what he did and accepting responsibility for it. He knows that it does affect the way I feel about him. He knows that he is loved and accepted and that we will not belittle him or make him feel bad about what happened. He also knows that we will help him clean up whatever he needs help with. He just told me that he will try harder to remember to use the potty before he goes to bed. So he is attempting to learn from the situation and prevent it from happening again.

We can learn so much from this. Life happens, accidents happen, mistakes happen. When they do happen we need to remember that God still loves us and that He is there for us. When we come to Him and tell Him what we have done, when we repent and ask for His help He will forgive us. We can use our mistakes as learning tools and try not to make them again.

As a parent we can also use these accidents and mistakes as a model of God’s love. We can listen to our children and remind them that we still love them. We can show them the same mercy and grace that God has shown to us so many times. We can show them the power of forgiveness and not make them feel guilty about things.

We also need to remember to be quick to admit our faults and mistakes. We need to apologize to them and ask for forgiveness if we have done them wrong in one way or another. This sets a good example for them. They will see that we are not perfect and that we make mistakes too.

I pray everyone has a blessed day!

God is everywhere, even at McDonalds

I just read a post on Facebook that really touched me. It was originally posted January 20, 2015 by Gerrard B. Laidler. This is a very moving testimony and reveals how great and awesome our God truly is.

He can reach down to anyone in the deepest darkest moments of their lives and he can bring them out of whatever situation they are in. Then he can use those that he has helped and lifted up to help others.

So please remember that no matter what your past is God can use it for His glory. Your story may be the story that one certain person needs to hear, you may be the only light that can lead them to Christ.

44 Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. 45 You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. 46 You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. 47 Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.”

48 Then Jesus said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.” – Luke 7:44-48

Below is a copy of the post from Facebook and it should link back to the original post, if you wish to read it there as well. I hope it touches your heart like it did mine.

Tears of relief

Gerrard B. Laidler

TEARS OF RELIEF…(a Testimony Nugget)
The strangest thing happened to me yesterday. As I sat in my car while the insanely “cheap gas” filled my tank…out of nowhere this woman taps on my window, “Can you please buy me something to eat?” Opening my car door, I took my headphones off and said, “Excuse Me!” She responded: “Can you please buy me something to eat?” Instantly frustrated: It’s 34 degrees outside. I just worked 12hrs overnight from 7pm-7am. I’ve been under the weather for the past few days. And I just want to go home, take some more NyQuil and tap out again (Big Sigh). “Go inside and I’ll be in shortly,” I motion to her. Still sitting in my car, I replay the words of this lady in my head and say to myself: “She did not ask for money, but for food!” I’ll definitely do this, I concluded as I hopped out of the car.

Inside of McDonald’s…

I approach the counter and the lady appears from behind me like a dark shadow. I motion towards her, “What will you like”? “A two for three Egg Mcmuffin,” she exclaims hesitantly. In this moment I decide to get me a “two for three” as well, but I substitute the Mcmuffins for their biscuits (y’all should try this). Meanwhile, once our food is placed on the counter, I walk to the back of the restaurant to divide our sandwiches. In a hurry, I quickly tell her “you don’t need to be out here in this freezing weather like this!” “I don’t have a place to stay,” she mummers. “I’m homeless!” The conversation continues. “What is your name?” I ask, politely. She replies and shares a bit more about herself as I listen intently. “Sir, I can’t be over here by you for long. My boyfriend is jealous and he will jump on me if he sees me talking to another man!” At this point I’ve recognized a golden opportunity for ministry as I blurted out: THAT COWARD AIN’T GON’ DO NOTHING TO YOU (y’all pray for me. I can’t stand to hear about a man beating on a woman).

Sharing My Testimony…

Ma’am, look at me! I slowly make a handgun signal with my right hand, point it directly in her face, and pull the trigger while shouting…”POW!” I continue. “Can you look at me and tell that I was shot at point-blank-range in my face?” She nods her head in disbelief. “Ma’am, I should be dead, but God kept me here to talk with people like you.” In addition, I share my notorious 10 year drug history and prison background so as to come down to her level of common ground and reasoning. For the most part, I realize one important aspect of ministry, is this: If You Have No Common Ground With The One You’re Ministering To And Cannot Relate To Their Pain Or Struggles…It’s Less Effective In Pulling Them In. This explains why Jesus wrapped himself in our human flesh. He knew that in order to save mankind, He had to experience all of the tears, all of the burdens, all of the pain, and all of the sorrow of mankind, including death (Heb. 4:15). Frankly, It’s just something about it when you have previously worn the filthy shoes of the one you’re now trying to convince that they should remove off of their feet for their own good.

Tears Of Relief…

With the stage set, I asked the most reckoning and eternal question that every human being alive must answer someday: “Do you know Jesus Christ as your ‘personal’ Lord & Savior and the free pardoning of your sins?” (John 14:6). Tears begin to roll down her face. The question pierced her heart. She rebuts, “I’m afraid to accept Christ, because I’m afraid I will fail Christ!” I explain to her that due to our fleshy nature and frailty, walking in 100% complete perfection as a Christian is a myth from Satan. We strive for it, however, we are constantly changed daily through prayer, studying scripture, and submitting to the power of the Holy Spirit within us. The biggest lie the devil presses upon our minds is that we are just out here alone to fend for ourselves. We have Peace, Power, and His Presence within. The Tears Are Pouring Heavier and Profusely.

Brighter Days Ahead…

With the Spirit of God moving, I grabbed her by the hands and asked her plainly: Would You Like To Settle Your Eternal Destiny & Resting Place After You Depart This World? Tears Steady Flowing. “Yes!,” she finds the strength to speak. Holding her hands firmly, I said repeat after me. We Began: “Dear Lord, Jesus. Please Forgive Me For All Of My Sins…I Know My Heart Is Not Right With Thee…” Tears Of Relief Are Pouring. And Oh!…How A Peace And Calm Filled That Section. Heaven Rejoiced! Meanwhile, to encourage her of Brighter Days Ahead, after being released from a Federal Prison, I reflected back on how God has blessed me with two jobs: One that provides a 401K, full health, dental, vision, and another life insurance policy. And the other, a night shift manager to further develop my professional, communication, and business management skills as I seek to press forward after everybody counted me out since all I’ve ever did for money was sell drugs. Finally, I said “You are beautiful. Your life has purpose and meaning. And if God can turn my life around I am speaking over your life for TRANSFORMATION, RESTORATION, EXALTATION, and Financial REHABILITATION! You may not understand if you’ve never had it hard in life. But I was elated that I pushed myself aside so that God could use lil ole’ me. What A Beautiful Picture Of Tears Of Relief… ~MrGBL

****Prophetically, I’m Believing A Behavioral, Relational, Occupational, and Double Financial Turnaround For Everyone Who Shares This Timely Post On Their Page. The World Needs To Know That Nothing Is Too Hard For God…#Type AMEN! #Share

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It’s true, I went to a bar!

I’m not perfect. And who knows how many times I’ve fallen short. We all fall short. That’s the amazing thing about the grace of God.’- Tim Tebow

If you have read some of my previous posts then you may understand this quote. I have been dealing with a lot of gossip and rumors for a while now. Some of the rumors have some truth to it and some of them are just outright lies.

I will admit to anything I’ve done. I won’t lie and try to cover it up. In fact, maybe sometimes I am too honest about what I have and have not done. I’ve always asked people to come to me if they have questions about anything in my past. Well, unfortunately there are some people who don’t do that and would rather try to publicly humiliate me.

The past few weeks have been really bad for me as someone spread a lot of rumors about a night out that I had with my best friend. We went to a bar, yes a bar, and we had a good time. By good time I mean we enjoyed the music and we talked. We talked a lot about everything. Our marriages, our children, our pasts, our regrets, and the opportunities that may come our way in our futures.

We did not go bar hopping as people have claimed. Nor did we go to pick up anyone, in fact we didn’t even talk to any males that were there. We were simply there to get away from some of the stresses at home and to talk. Yes, I know there are probably other places we could’ve went but we did enjoy the music there the time we had been before.

Gasp! Yes, I just admitted that we went to the bar another time before this one. Again we did not go bar hopping or to pick anyone up. We ate some dinner together and enjoyed the music. (Yes, we did have a couple of drinks.)

That time we did talk to a few members of the opposite sex only because they had come to talk to us. There were no long or inappropriate conversations with anyone else and we did not dance with anyone. We didn’t even accept any drink offers, not even from the bouncer.

I didn’t feel the need to post about these outings as they were outings with my best friend. I didn’t realize that these outings would become such a big deal to so many other people. It wasn’t that I was hiding the fact that we went out, as anyone who mentioned it to me knows, but I never felt that it was something that needed to be publicized. We don’t make it a habit to go out to bars and I never imagined that this would’ve been such a big mess.

I don’t like people who hide things. We’re not perfect, we all have things that people might not like to see, and I like to show my faults.’ – Grace Jones

We are often times so afraid to admit things we have done for fear of what others might say or do when they find out. I have come to learn that in this day and age there is almost nothing that is done in secret and everything will be found out in one way or another. The thing is that God already knows what we did or didn’t do.

When I have done something wrong He will convict me just as He does for everyone else. We are the ones who will decide whether to repent or not and to turn from whatever it is that we are being convicted of. It is not our place to judge one another for what they have done or haven’t done.

And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? – Matthew 7:3

So I apologize if I’ve misled anyone to think I was perfect or that I am not human and I don’t make mistakes. I am flesh and blood and make mistakes just like everyone else. I try to learn from those mistakes and I also try not to repeat them.

If you have something that you have been judged for then take it to God. Ask for His wisdom and guidance about the matter. Remember that it is best to be honest about it in the beginning. If you try to hide it then others will just try to hold it over your head. They may even start making personal attacks on you and your character. Please remember that nothing you have done can separate you from God’s love.

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November 18, 2016

Turning I Can’ts into I Cans

Who Am I?

Turning I Can’ts into I Cans

As I stand at the kitchen island I have a million thoughts going through my head. I’m sipping my hot coffee while waiting for the muffins to finish and watching the kids play patiently. This post came to my mind and it was originally meant to give ways to encourage your children to do things when they feel that they can’t do things. Continue reading Turning I Can’ts into I Cans

God uses cracked pots

And the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter: so he made it again another vessel, as seemed good to the potter to make it.  -Jeremiah 18:4

I know that often times we get caught up in things we believe we ought to be doing, the way we should look, or where we should be in life. Sometimes we wonder if we are too damaged or flawed to be of use anymore or to be able to do what we need to do. Maybe we have things in our past that we are not proud of, things that have chipped away at our self confidence, esteem and maybe even our reputation. Continue reading God uses cracked pots

Don’t feed the lizards!

Continue reading Don’t feed the lizards!

Who Am I?

I am a woman, a wife, a mother, a sister, a friend, a daughter, I am a person just like you. All to often we forget that the people who are subjects of the rumors and gossip flying around are people just like you and I. They are someone’s child, parent, sibling, friend or spouse. They are real and they have feelings. When you listen to the tales spun by someone you should always consider the source and what it is that this person may have to gain from speaking out about another. Remember that you are only hearing the side of the story that they want you to hear.
The ones telling the stories try their best to dehumanize the person they are talking about. They make them out to be a horrid monster with no feelings. A witch or a crazy psycho. They put the blame for their problems on the other person and have a fine tale to explain how the other person is responsible for whatever situation they are in. They never stop to consider how their lies will affect the other person, their friends, or their family. When confronted with the truth they will deny ever having said those nasty comments.
If you are drawn in by someone’s sad story please remember that you may become the target of their next sad story. Trust me, I know this all too well.
Before repeating of commenting on the remarks think about what you would do, or how you would feel if that was you they were talking about. What if it were you mother or father? What if it were your child or grandchild? What if it were friend?
I am a not a monster but a flesh and blood human being just like you! I breathe the same air and my heart beats just like the one beating in your chest. I am not perfect nor will I ever be perfect in this lifetime. I cry, I laugh, I have the same struggles as everyone else, maybe a few more. I lose my temper sometimes, I yell, I scream, and sometimes I say things I don’t mean. I have made my share of mistakes, just as you reading this have, and I try my best to learn from those mistakes. I admit that I haven’t always handled every situation with the best of grace but I try.
I am often too trusting, too selfless, too loving, and too patient. I often bend over backwards to help others and make life easier for them. I try to find the good in every one and every situation. Sometimes I try to hard. I usually expect to be treated the way I have treated others. I forget that we are all human and we will all disappoint one another in some way or another. Sometimes I just expect and anticipate too much from those around me and then I am so disappointed and hurt when things don’t turn out the way I had expected.
Lately I am stressed, overwhelmed, and exhausted. I constantly have to push myself to go further and do more than I feel I can. I try not to complain. I have found strength I didn’t know I had.
I have heard so many things about myself that I know are not true. It hurts, it really does. I have cried so much about these lies and rumors. They have caused me so much heartache and more so because one of the people responsible for starting them was someone I love and care about deeply. I never expected this. I never expected to be constantly harassed and humiliated on an almost daily basis now. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt so bad if I had expected it, I don’t know.
Lately I have felt this bitterness creeping up inside of me and it is the most awful feeling. It chokes out all of your peace and joy. It overshadows everything else and makes it impossible for you to see the beauty of what is in front of you. It is a thief and robber.
It told me that I should be angry and upset. After all, I am the one who was left to be the ‘responsible one’. I am the one who is working 24/7 to keep this family going. I am the one who wakes up several times during the night to help the little ones go back to sleep. I am the one who is here dealing with the day to day needs of a large family and dealing with the extra challenges of special needs children. I am the one who sleeps alone in my bed EVERY night and prays for GOD to heal my broken heart. I ask HIM to wake me from this horrible dream. When I open my eyes I am still alone and I have no shoulder to cry on when I realize again and again that this is not a dream. I am the one who was committed and faithful only to have my heart broken time and time again. I am the one who NEVER gets to take a ‘break’ from it all. When I ask for a break I always get the same response, ‘I’m sorry, I’ve got other plans.’.
Then in the darkness of night I know that GOD is there and HE has my back, always has and always will. HE is the greatest comforter of all and HE has the biggest shoulders of anyone. HE understands me completely and HE listens. Without HIM I can do nothing!
Then I look at our family. It brings me to tears. They are a constant reminder of the dreams we had and the promises we made. They don’t deserve this. I try my best to shield them. They know Mommy is sad but they don’t know why. They don’t see the sacrifices I make, they don’t know the pleading and begging I have done to try to change the outcome.
When all else fails there is nothing left to do but to get rid of the bitterness that haunts me. The only way to get rid of the bitterness is to forgive. How do I forgive when I feel like I can’t? I remember the forgiveness that GOD has shown me. I will be the first to admit that I don’t deserve the mercy and grace that my LORD has shown me so many times. I pray that HE will change my heart and help me to forgive when I feel I can’t. With GOD’s help I can forgive even when it seems impossible. I will grant forgiveness even if it hasn’t been asked for.
So right now, I forgive all those who have gossiped about me. I forgive those who have had a hand (and the ones who won’t admit that they did) in the destruction of our marriage. I have been bitter against everyone who has spoken badly about me, those who have encouraged his addictions and selfishness, those who never supported us. I forgive you all even if you don’t want me to. I forgive him for all the things I have been through these past couple of years. Please understand that just because I forgive does not mean I will forget.
I also ask for forgiveness. I must ask that all of the ‘exes’ please forgive me as I, at one time, believed the stories about you. The stories that are all to similar to the stories being told about me. Please know that I apologize for anything I may have believed without getting your side of the story.
I also ask for forgiveness from those who have been affected by the lies and rumors that have been told. Please know that I am deeply sorry that you may have been affected by what was going on in my life. I also forgive anyone who has believed these lies and rumors and those that have contributed to the spreading of them.
I will remember those who have been there for me. I thank each and everyone one of my friends and family for supporting us through this time. You will never know how much I have appreciated each and every one of your thoughts and prayers. Most importantly I thank GOD for giving me the strength to get through this. Its not over yet and even after the legalities are taken care of it still won’t be ‘over’ as we have a family together.
So, Who am I? I am a mother, a daughter, a sister, and a friend. I am soon to be the dreaded ‘ex-wife’ and that’s OK. I am still a work in progress but I know GOD is not through with me and I have hope and faith that there are better things to come. I pray that GOD will plant a seed of forgiveness in the heart of everyone who reads this so you can experience the fullness of HIS mercy and grace. If you have never experienced HIS forgiveness I pray that you will and you will understand why I must forgive.

Another Day

Another Day Original Blog Post April 21, 2016
I’m sitting here trying to finish a cup of coffee before anyone else wakes up. After my overwhelming day yesterday which has been full of weeks and months of overwhelming days I really need a break. I’m not picky, I’ll take them whenever I can get them.
I hope everyone is a little less stressed and overwhelmed as I am. I am telling myself that today will be better than yesterday and I am determined that it will be. The past few weeks have been hard, so very hard emotionally, mentally and physically. The stress of divorce is taking is toll on me in every way. We had a bout of the flu a few weeks ago and I feel like I just can’t get over it. Not to mention that I have had a headache almost every day for the past month. (I suffer from migraines.) I probably should go to the doctor but with no insurance it would probably cost me a small fortune.
It seems that everything has just been irritating me lately. The kids have been so loud. The phone rings too many times. Nothing I do seems to go as planned. Unexpected bills keep popping up. One of the kids keeps bossing everyone around and another one’s favorite word is ‘Butthead’. I know I’m just stressed so I have to keep reminding myself that I need to slow down and BREATHE!
Yesterday I had to take a small break, in my closet, to ask GOD to help me get through the evening. Afterwards I felt renewed and I was able to get the island cleared. I designated one of the girls to clean the playroom, and another to put away some dishes in the lower cabinets. The kids took turns coming and getting ‘assignments’ from me as I fixed dinner. The playroom was cleaned and every room was fairly neat before dinner. I pulled out the paper plates and served dinner. (I would’ve opted for pizza but the drive to get it just seemed to much.)
I was kind of craving a glass of wine but I don’t have any alcohol in the house so I opted for a glass of Coca Cola and a piece of leftover chocolate from Easter.
After dinner everyone seemed a little quieter. The girls cleared the table and swept the floors while I gave the little boys a bath. Watching the water drain made me remember what I had forgotten earlier. So I grabbed the drain tool and cleared the hair out of it. I finished up the kitchen, fixed the coffee pot for the morning, started the dishwasher and sat with the kids until it was their bedtime.
When they were settled in bed I took a couple minutes and jotted down some things I need to work on for today like picking out some wedding outfits for the little boys so big sister can approve them, clearing off the top of my desk, clearing off the work area of my desk, putting away the piles of school papers into the portfolios, and trying on the outfit I plan to wear to court next week.
Then I went to bed. I lay in bed every night and try my best to fall asleep. Sleep doesn’t come easy. I lay there and I pray. I pray about everything and I thank GOD for all he has done. I pray that he will take away the pain I feel both physical and emotional. I’ve prayed that he would have his way, not mine, in this situation. I pray that he will build a hedge of protection around my family and me. I thank him for all he has done for me and my family. I know I don’t thank him enough and he is so good to me. It always ends in tears. The pain seems so unbearable at times and it seems like it will never get easier. All I can do is cry out for GOD to help me with this and help me get to a place where it doesn’t hurt so bad. I have to pray for the strength to get through the next day, and the next. It is getting easier but it still hurts every time I find an old note, an old picture, or a forgotten memory pops up.
Its so easy to let it get you down. You need to stay on guard. This is when the DEVIL likes to sneak in. Ask GOD to put a hedge around you and your family. GOD will protect you and give you the strength you need when you feel you just can’t go on. Trust me, I know! I’ve been there so many times lately. I don’t deserve the mercy and grace he shows me everyday. I really hope everyone has a BLESSED day!