Chemo Round 3: Day 22: Bath Time
Here is a blog post about our 10 month old baby’s most recent diagnosis of leukemia:
Here is the link to the GoFundMe that has been set up for us:
This weekend we went looking at a couple of houses. Seems a little crazy after all the work I’ve been putting into making our little house work for us, right? I just happened to have scrolled apst a couple of listings on Facebook which got me to wondering if we really should look into exploring our housing options.
Maybe we shouldn’t have looked because now it does make me not as content with our current home even though the houses we looked at were not necessarily nicer, but they were considerably larger. In fact one of them would have been really perfect for our family.
The first house was nice, really nice. It had the right amount of bedrooms and two bathrooms. There was more room than we currently have but the layout just wasn’t quite what I wanted. Don’t get me wrong, we definitely could’ve made it work for us but it just wasn’t ‘The One‘, if you know what I mean.
The second one was not in as great as shape and it was a bit older. I liked it from the moment we walked in the door. (Actually I liked it from the time I saw the pics on Facebook.) I could see us setting it up here close to the house we are in, overlooking the same pond, and the picture was so pretty. I really could imagine the view from the kitchen window, looking out onto the back deck where the kids could have a lot of fun. There were plenty of rooms and two bathrooms! You just don’t know how much I miss that second bathroom.
The kitchen was considerably larger than the one we have and it had triple the cabinets we currently have. There was a large master bedroom with a master bath and a tub… ahhh, Calgon take me away… please. Not to mention the closet space in all of the bedrooms. It’s funny the things you miss. The front room could have been a living room, a dining room, or just about anything we desired.
Off the kitchen is a utility room with plenty of space for our washer, dryer, and freezer which are all currently outside. There was just so much space… I mean a lot of space. I don’t even know if I have enough furniture to furnish it since we’ve downsized and gotten rid of so much!
Have I mentioned the homeschool room?
I have to smile when I say this because as soon as I walked into the room everyone was giving me suggestions as to what to use it for. An extra bedroom, an arts & crafts room, a dining room. I just turned around with the biggest grin and said it would be the homeschool room. With patio doors that led to the patio and a wall full of windows that would look out onto the pond it would be perfect.
There were built in bookshelves which would save me a lot of money at IKEA! There were even some window seats built in one side of the room. I could already picture some cute little cushions on them and a couple of the kids curling up there to read their favorite books.
Now you are probably thinking this must have been a pretty pricey dream house but in reality it wasn’t. It probably was when the current owners bought it many years ago. The wear and tear of raising a family shows in the house, which was actually a triple wide mobile home, but it also shows the memories that the family had.
The current owners are looking to downsize as the kids are grown and out of the house. They were eager to share some stories with us and they enjoyed having kids in the house. Yes, our brood went with us even though they didn’t realize we were house shopping.
Sigh… yes, it would be great to get a bigger house. Well, maybe it would be great because that would also mean more payments. I have been working towards my goal of paying off debt to get away from payments so this is not helping me with that goal. We started calculating costs to move and set up the house, well and septic, and then everything else and it almost doubled what they were asking for it. It’s a lot to think about.
Also a bigger house means more electric, probably. It also means I would most likely spend more time cleaning it. Then again, maybe I wouldn’t because it wouldn’t be as cluttered as our house is now. This house definitely needs some TLC though. That doesn’t scare me though because I know that we could work on it little by little and make it our home.
Uh Oh! I used the word HOME! That’s how I knew I had probably made a mistake by coming to look at the houses. Yep, so now I’m kinda in a little limbo of my own making. Do we stay where we are and be content with what we have or do we try to make this work to have the bigger home that we’ve been dreaming of?
I really don’t know what the answer is. I’ve been doing a lot of praying before the Facebook posts even showed up. So now it looks like there is a lot more praying to do. I just can’t stop thinking about how lovely that view would be out the windows. Or sitting on the back patio with a cup of coffee early in the morning watching the mist rise off the water as the sun comes up.
Like the picture at the top of the post says ‘Asking is the beginning of receiving…‘ so I am going to pray and ask God to make this possible, if it is in HIS WILL for our little family. If not, then I will be content with this little house on the pond.
I will keep you all updated on our decision but until then please say a little prayer for wisdom and guidance for us while making this decision.
Thank you all!
I read this story some time ago and it was told over the radio station not long ago. I just thought I’d share it with you all as well.
Some time ago there were two monks who had planted young olive trees at about the same time. Continue reading “Two Monks and an Olive Tree”
She is more precious than rubies: and all the things thou canst desire are not to be compared unto her. –Proverbs 3:15
I am writing this for my beautiful daughters but it really could be directed to all of the women out there, young and old.
First and foremost, I want you to know how much I love you! I have loved you since before I even met you. I don’t want you to ever doubt that in any way. As your mother it is my responsibility to protect you and look out for you. Please don’t ever think that I am trying to be critical or trying to discourage you. I only want the best for you and if I say something about a guy you are interested in I am only being honest because I have learned some traits to look for and some traits to avoid. In the end I will be there for you no matter what and I want you to know that.
I want you to know how wonderful you are. Everything about you is perfect and I don’t want you to ever feel like it isn’t. How do I know that? Because God was your creator and He makes no mistakes. He has lovingly created you and He only wants the best for you because before you were my child you belonged, and still belong, to Him.
I know life is hard and especially when it come to the romance department it can be really tough. I want you to remember that you deserve the best in whoever your partner is. I want you to set your standards high because you don’t need to settle. You should never settle because God has someone in mind for you and that someone will not only meet those standards you set but he will exceed those standards. How do I know that? Because God has a plan for each of us. He loves us and truly only wants the best for us. He can do the impossible.
You deserve to be loved, but not just loved like the general idea of love, you deserve to be cherished. You deserve someone who is loyal and honest. You deserve someone who longs to be with you just as much as you long to be with them. You deserve someone who will look after your heart as they look after their own. If you will take your requests to God He will supply. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but according to His timing which is always right on time.
So for now I want you to take things slow. Learn to be patient and trust in the Lord. Develop your relationship with God because His love is the only perfect love. When you have a close relationship with God everything else will start to fall into place.
Use this time wisely. Ask God to help you and to show you the areas that need improvement. He is molding you and training you into the person He wants you to be. When we don’t give Him control then it makes this process so much more difficult.
Don’t just pray for yourself but pray for this future partner. You may not know him right now, you may live in different zip codes, or you may know him and not even think of him as ‘the one’. God knows who He is. Ask God to work in His life as He is working in your life. When you both are ready God will reveal him to you.
Don’t chase guys or waste time on guys who refuse to meet your standards because when God puts His plan into motion the right guy is gonna find you! I promise! I joked before that the guy for me would have to be driving the UPS or FedEx truck as I never went anywhere for anyone to find me. I was wrong. God put me where I needed to be and He will do the same for you.
Don’t let these guys tell you that your standards are too high! Don’t let them make excuses! Your standards are your standards and they have no right to judge them. This is just a sign that they are not the one for you. When you find the one God intends for you then you will be just what He was looking for, just as He will be just what you have been looking for.
Don’t settle because you think that you will be able to change them! That kind of change can only come from above. It is possible that the guy you like right now may be the guy God has chosen for you but it may be that God is not finished with him yet. God is working on the perfect man for you.
I may not be a relationship expert but I have made my fair share of mistakes when it comes to not waiting on God. I don’t want you to make those mistakes and deal with the heartache that goes along with them. Every heartbreak will leave a scar and will make it that much harder for you to love someone in the future.
I have faith that there is someone out there who is waiting for you. He has made his list and he knows what he is waiting for. You are worth the wait!
Daughters, you are beautiful, smart, funny, and wonderful. Anyone that thinks otherwise or puts you down is not someone you need to be with. Please remember that you are a daughter of the king and He wants what is best for you. If you trust in Him He will provide you with so much more than your heart can imagine.
I am praying for each of my children and their future/current spouses. Times are especially hard right now and it will be so much harder for our children to remain pure and to keep their focus on God.
Lord, I ask you today to watch over these young women. Show them how beautifully and wonderfully made they are. Lord, guard their hearts and keep them pure. Be with them as they wait on you and help them to develop the character traits that they will need for their roles as wives and mothers in the future.
Please watch over their future partners and protect them. Keep them pure, guard their hearts, and help them to keep their focus on You, Lord. Help these young men to develop the character traits that they will need to be the husbands and fathers they will need to be in the future.
Thank you for you mercy and grace on all of us. Amen!
Below are some links that young women and their parents can check out:
** Featured image is from Mr. Amari Soul on Facebook.
Good morning everyone! I was so exhausted this morning I slept through my alarm so I’m still sitting around in my ‘bump around’ shorts and a T-shirt… not the norm for me at all. That’s OK though. Everyone has had a yummy breakfast and some of the kids are reading, one is playing with legos, and another couple are watching some Saturday morning cartoons.
A lot of the area schools have been on Spring Break here. We did do some school work this week but it was kind of hit and miss as some storms and bad weather had our internet on the fritz. That’s a downside to living out in the country. We did however get a surprise visit from a friend we haven’t seen in awhile. It’s always a joy to have old friends come and visit. I find it amazing how kids can just pick right up where they left off months ago.
This past week has been a bit busy as Momma had 3 dances to go to! Monday, Tuesday, and Friday. It has all been so much fun! Monday was my first ‘away’ kind of event and there were a lot more dancers than I normally see. They had the chance to earn a ‘dangle’ for dancing a tip while holding an ice cream cone! There are so many interesting things that they do at these dances!
Tuesdays are the normal class nights and it is amazing to see how far everyone has come as a class. I am so looking forward to graduation and learning new calls and styles. There is so much to learn I have said it is almost like learning a second language. The great thing is that you don’t have to learn it all and you get as advanced as you like or feel comfortable with. Personally I want to learn as much as I can and I want to learn the fancy stuff that goes along with the basic stuff too. I find square dancing so fascinating!
Then Friday night was a St.Patrick’s Day dance. I love parties, especially decorating and putting them together. This time, however, I only brought a few decorations and some Key Lime Cookies (Betty Crocker box mix). I also wore one of the vintage dresses I found on Etsy. It was so cute! Everyone wore green and brought all kinds of green refreshments. Most importantly though we all had a wonderful time. There was a new class starting up also and we are hoping to have more people come next week. I encourage anyone and everyone to check out the classes that may be offered in your area.
Today we are planning a small cookout with family and a few friends. I need to get my lazy self into the shower so I can get to the grocery store and pick up a few things. I am so glad I did that big monthly grocery shop earlier as my weekly shopping trips have been sporadic.
God is so good! Try to remember that He makes no mistakes and He has a plan for each and every one of us. If we will only let go of the plans we have and let Him take control He will bless us and work wonders in our lives that we could never have imagined! I try my best to thank Him everyday, several times a day, for all the blessings He has poured out on us and for all the ways He continues to work in our lives. I pray that each and everyone of you can look back on your week and see how God has blessed you and touched your lives.
May God bless each and everyone of you!
I’ve been reading a lot about Ruth, Naomi, and Boaz. It is one of the most beautiful love stories told in the Bible. It shows how God can use the most tragic of circumstances, the poorest of the poor, and the most humblest people to fulfill His great plans. It shows God’s power and control of our lives, even when we don’t understand what is going on in our lives.
For me, this really hits home. No, I haven’t been widowed, but I am alone. I have been transplanted to a place where I knew almost no one but I am not struggling to get by on a daily basis. Or am I? I do have my struggles but I don’t think they would ever compare to the struggles that Ruth and Naomi faced. Nor do I ever feel that I would be worthy of the blessings that were bestowed upon them.
I do however have hope that there is one out there for me. My ‘Boaz’, if you will. Over the past few months I have met a few men that displayed the character traits of Boaz. I am not talking about men who were rich landowners as I rarely ask about a person’s occupation or income. I am talking about men of integrity and faith. Men that are genuinely kind and give without expecting anything in return. Men that I would consider to be of good moral character and who I would trust to lead my family.
Time and time again I have been let down. There have been various reasons, sometimes they get tired of keeping up the false front, sometimes I may have been to blame in some ways. I know that feelings of rejection can creep up from hurts I’ve had before and affect the way I feel. I do have a hard time trusting people when I’ve opened up my heart to them and they use my weaknesses against me. This is not what my real Boaz would do, he would never want to hurt me or see me hurt. He would want to guard my heart and wipe my tears, not be the cause for them. I still have faith and hope that God is working and I will keep waiting and praying for this man.
I try to pray daily for him even though I don’t know who he is, where he is, or what he is doing. What am I praying for? I pray that he will love God more than anything else and that he will pursue his relationship with God above everything else. I am praying for his health, safety, and protection. I am praying that God will work in his life to help him develop the traits and character qualities, like humility and integrity, that will bring honor and glory to God. I pray that God will guide him to be the leader that I will need him to be. I pray that God will teach him how to love, unconditionally, as he will need to accept my children unconditionally if he is truly my Boaz. I pray that he is successful in whatever he sets his mind to and that God will bring him peace and rest after his hard work. I pray that he is surrounded by friends and family that support him.
I also try to pray that God will shape me and mold me into the person that my Boaz will need me to be. I want to be ready for whenever he comes my way. I pray that God will teach me to be a good help meet. I pray that God will help me to develop the qualities that he will need from me so that I can support and encourage him. I pray that I will be the love of his life, and he will be mine also. I pray that God will give me wisdom and discernment in the choices I am making now that may affect my future. I pray for the strength to overcome any weaknesses I have and that they can be turned into strengths. I pray that I will learn to love unconditionally and accept him for who he is. I pray that God will heal my heart from my past relationships and not allow those feelings to creep into future relationships.
God knows me better than I know myself. He knows my needs and my wants. He knows my strengths and weaknesses. He knows my likes and my dislikes. He knows what I need and when I need it. He shows me glimpses of traits and qualities that my Boaz will have and He gives me hope and encouragement. I trust that He will bring my Boaz along in His perfect timing according to His will and plan for me.
I pray for patience and faith while I am in this state of waiting. I am not actively searching for My Boaz because I know that God will put me where I need to be for him to find me. Who knows maybe he has already found me and God is still working on us before He opens ours eyes to see the plan He has in store for us?
Did you know that the word gratitude comes from the word ‘gratus’ which also gives us the word grace? I didn’t know this until recently but I know that they sure do go hand in hand. It is hard to have one without the other.
I know life can get you down. We can fall into a pit of despair and have pity party after pity party when we think of all the bad things that have happened to us. It is OK to be upset or feel sad when something bad happens. We need to feel it and get over it. We have to make the conscious choice to get over it.
If we don’t then we get stuck in the negativity of everyday life. We will start to look for things to be upset with or to complain about. Complaining to everyone who will listen helps us to feel justified in feeling the way we feel. But it also keeps us from seeing the blessings that are all around us.
So your car broke down and you were late for work because you had to wait for a tow truck. Instead of looking at it in a negative way try to be thankful, the tow truck driver is. He needed that call to pay for his daughter’s dental appointment. It is also possible that delay could’ve saved you from an accident down the road.
When we dwell on the negatives it is sinful. It is something that Satan wants to keep us from experiencing the grace of God. The bible tells us to give thanks for everything. It doesn’t say to give thanks for the things we perceive as good, or just when we get what we want. We need to give thanks even when it’s hard to understand why something has happened.
In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.- 1 Thessalonians 5:18
I am constantly reminding myself that I am only seeing a small part of the big plan that God has in mind for my life. Maybe, just maybe, He needs to use these inconveniences to help me change my course or to keep me from tripping and falling into sin. I always try to remember that when He says ‘No’ to something that I’ve asked for it is usually because He has something much better in store for me down the road.
Just thinking about that gets me excited! I mean most of the times I am asking for something that seems really wonderful at the moment. Yes, I feel a little disappointment when it doesn’t happen but then curiosity takes hold. I have to wonder what could possibly be better than what I had in mind? I get a little anxious but I know that God only wants the best for me and He will reveal His plan in His time. He feels the same about each of His children.
I know how hard it is to feel grateful when you are sitting on the side of the road in a car that just won’t go but try to give thanks in every situation and every circumstance that you find yourself in. So the next time you find yourself complaining or throwing a pity party try to think of something to be thankful for. It will get easier the more you do it and before you know it your whole attitude will turn around and you will be so much happier. Your eyes will be opened to the blessings of God’s grace that surround you each and every day.
When we obey our Lord then we are showing Him our gratitude for the grace He has shown to us. Just think about how you feel when someone thanks you for something that you’ve done. It pleases God the same way when we thank Him for the many ways He has blessed our lives.
I’m sitting here writing this before 7pm and I am exhausted. This past week has seemed like an eternity. The kids have been super hyper, family tensions have exploded, and life has just been down right crazy. There have been many times this past week that, even in the midst of all the chaos, I have felt so lonely.
That’s how life goes though. We have to have the bad to know what the good is. We need the craziness to keep us on our toes. It all works together to mold us and shape us into who we need to be.
There have been some really good moments and some funny ones too. Today DS3 asked me for a piece of ‘turned over cake’ aka Pineapple Upside-Down Cake. He was so happy to get a piece after dinner. It’s amazing how the simplest things can bring a smile to a child’s face.
Then there was this little couple at the grocery store today. They were older, reminded me a bit of my mom-mom and pop-pop, but they were so cute. I wanted to snap a picture but I didn’t want them to think I was completely off my rocker so I didn’t. I was happy to see them but also a little sad.
Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever have that. That’s what I signed up for, not once or twice, but three times now. Three times it hasn’t worked out. It seems that every time I see a little glimpse of that it slips away from me and feels like it was just a figment of my imagination.
That’s when the Devil slips in and tries to tell me that I’m not good enough or that I’ll never be enough for anyone. He reminds me of my past failures and he points out my kids. He tells me that noone would ever be crazy enough to sign up for all of this.
Well, he is WRONG! I know he is. How do I know? Because God has said that I am His daughter and He is the KING! If it is God’s best for me then I will have it. So, I will try my best to be content where I am right now. Even though where I am right now is not where I thought I was a week or so ago. It is so hard to keep the faith sometimes but I will trust in His promises.
Even when times are hard God is there. We may not see Him or feel Him but He is there. When it seems like the dead of winter is upon us, He is with us. He is working on us, pruning us, shaping us, molding us for the plans He has for us. We may not see the fruits of our labors right now but we will see them in the future. He is so good!
Although the fig tree shall not blossom, neither shall fruit be in the vines; the labour of the olive shall fail, and the fields shall yield no meat; the flock shall be cut off from the fold, and there shall be no herd in the stalls;
Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation.
The Lord God is my strength, and He will make my feet like hinds’ feet, and he will make me to walk upon mine high places. To the chief singer on my stringed instruments.
— Habakkuk 3: 17-19
Good morning! I had intended to write this post about the peaceful mornings but plans changed. I started my day as usual and the kids actually slept in a bit so I was not being hurried to get breakfast ready and on the table.
I sat down with my coffee and reflected on a few things. One of which was yesterday’s sermon about clinging to grace. We need to remember that when times are hard and nothing seems to be going right that we still have grace to carry us through. We need to keep holding fast to the promises that God has given us. He has a plan for us and He knows what we need even we don’t really have a clue.
I have had many a day when I have felt so discouraged and sad. Part of this is due to the fact that I don’t have someone to walk alongside of. Someone to share my little joys with or someone to hold me when I am down. I do miss having someone to hold my hand or the feeling of someone coming up behind me and wrapping their arms around me and holding me tight. I sometimes long to have someone to talk to about my day or being able to listen to someone tell me about their day. I miss having someone to snuggle close to when the nights are cold or when I don’t want to get up in the morning.
I try my best not to dwell on these feelings as I know that God is in control. I know that right now my focus needs to be on Him and the rest will fall into place. He is always there and will never leave me. He knows the innermost thoughts of my heart and all of my desires. He will comfort me like no one else can. I know that if it is in His will for me to have someone beside me He will allow our paths to cross.
So for now I will continue to pray for His wisdom and guidance, not only for myself, but for the one He has chosen for me. I pray that God will bless Him beyond measure and supply all his needs. I pray that He will guide him and protect him and that He will surround Him with people who will encourage him. I pray that God will continue to mold him and shape him into the man God intends him to be.
I don’t know God’s will or His plans for my life but I know that He loves me and only wants the best for me. I also know that a lot of my problems have been because I wasn’t patient enough and didn’t wait for Him to reveal His plan to me. I tried to do things my own way and they didn’t turn out the way I had planned. I’ve made so many mistakes and suffered so many failures.
I pray that God will continue to work in my life and mold me and shape me into the person He wants me to be. I know that He can turn mistakes into miracles and that God has not forgotten about me. I pray that if it is not His will for me to have someone to walk with that He will fill my heart with joy and help me to be content where I am right now.
Right now, I will keep my focus on Him and on the job He has blessed me with as a mother and a keeper of my home. This is an important job that He has placed on me and it is full of responsibilities. My attitude and behavior will influence everyone around me especially my children. God calls us to show His love to all of those around us and I pray that everyone I meet can see how His love overflows from my heart. I pray that everyone around me will always feel loved, welcomed, safe, and comforted when they enter into our home.
Yes, it would be so much easier if I had someone to help me shoulder the many burdens of raising a family and keeping a home but God will give me the strength I need. I don’t really look at my role as a burden as I try to do everything with a servant’s heart because I love my family. So I will try not to be discouraged and I will keep singing His praises because God is so good to me! He has blessed me, an unworthy sinner, and He has loved me and shown me His grace and mercy. So for now I will indeed continue to cling to that grace and allow it to carry me through this difficult part of my journey.
Last night I was reading over some things on my computer when I happened upon a very nice comment left for someone regarding something they had written. There was nothing wrong with the comment, nothing wrong with the person who wrote the comment, and nothing wrong with the person it was directed to. When I read it though I felt an instant twinge of jealousy. Why? I really wasn’t sure.
I admire the life she has. She seems to have everything going for her. The profile picture shows a happy family with a handsome, smiling husband and two kids right beside her. She has many accomplishments listed in her profile and she has traveled the world. So many things that I had planned on doing when I was younger.
When I felt the twinge I knew why, well at least partly. Then I thought about my family and all the things that I have done. If I had been in school or working I might’ve missed out on some of the opportunities that I have had. I instantly knew that I am where God would have me to be at this moment in time and I felt a sense of peace. I asked God to forgive me. Then I also asked him to bless her and her family as I know that they are right where He would have them to be.
The key to overcoming this feeling is to be aware of it. Don’t let it grow or it will overwhelm your emotions. I realized it immediately when I felt it but sometimes it is an emotion that comes on more subtly. It creeps into our minds and our hearts without us noticing it. We may start to feel discontent and not know why.
We may admire something someone has or something someone else’s husband has done for them. These feelings may trigger other feelings of insecurity and doubt about ourselves, our marriages, our families, and our lives. These feelings can grow and manifest themselves into bigger uglier problems like resentment, distrust, and anger.
Maybe you know or admire someone but you feel anxious or resentful towards them. Maybe you compare yourself to them and you feel like you are never enough or that you just can’t measure up to them. Maybe you wonder why they always seem to have all the luck. Maybe you wonder what they ever did to have or to earn the things they have.
You need to recognize that these feelings can come from being jealous. I know, I know, we don’t want to admit that we could possibly be jealous over someone else but it happens. We might laugh at someone if they suggest that we could possibly be jealous of a certain person.
You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you not worldly? Are you not acting like mere humans? – 1 Corinthians 3:3
The truth is that we are human and we have emotions. We feel things like no other creature on earth. We also have the ability to control these feelings. What do we do about this?
First, you need to recognize the feeling. Let yourself acknowledge it but don’t let it over take you. You can’t let it control your emotions, your actions, or your life. Accept responsibility for the emotions.
Second, take a look at why you feel the way you do. Take a step back and really look at the situation. Are you jealous of someone’s relationship? Are you jealous of someone’s appearance? Are you jealous of the recognition someone else gets from their job or other accomplishments?
Third, remember that you have the power to change the way you feel. The root of the problem lies within yourself and your own heart. Think about things you can do to improve yourself. Look at your own strengths and build on them.
Fourth, stop comparing yourself to other people. I mean it! Stop! You need to remember that what you perceive to be true is not always as it seems. Look at everything you have been blessed with and be thankful for what you have. Remember that if it is in God’s will for you to have something then He will give it to you in His time. I know how hard it can be to watch things fall in place for others when it might feel like your own life is falling apart. Just remember that everything is working together for the good.
Fifth, pray about it! Admit the feelings you have and ask God to forgive you for feeling that way. Ask God to help you develop a more positive outlook on life and to help you make positive changes in your life. When you recognize your faults and weaknesses you can ask for specific changes. God hears your prayers and He knows the innermost thoughts of your heart.
If you are struggling with jealousy God can and will help you. He can take away those feelings and He can create a new heart in you. He can help you overcome these feelings. Jealousy is a tool that Satan uses to get to you and he will use it to destroy you.
I pray every morning that God will help me to take away any feelings of jealousy, lust, envy, anger, unforgiveness, bitterness or discontentment that may be hiding in me. I may not see these until its too late and I have done or said something that I will regret later.
I ask Him to give me strength to prevent these emotions from creeping into my relationships with others. I ask him to help me remember that I was beautifully created by His own hand and that He loves me even when I don’t love myself. I also ask Him to prepare me for the changes He is making in my life and to help me accept the things that I can not change.
I trust in God and His plan for my life. He only wants the best for us and He has a plan for each and every one of us. So when you are dealing with jealousy or anything else you need to hand it over to God. He will help you just as He has helped me.
We all have people in our lives that we care about and some that we truly love. These can be family members or friends. These people have touched our lives in so many ways and we couldn’t imagine life without them.
So what happens when you just can’t be around them? Maybe you’ve had a fight or they’ve moved away. It helps when you can apologize and makes things right again. Or if they’ve moved we still have many ways to communicate with them.
Sometimes though things happen that just can’t be fixed and no matter how hard we try it seems that we only make things worse. Sometimes our friends and loved ones just walk away and never really give a reason why. They don’t reply to our attempts at contacting them. It feels as though we have been abandoned. This can hurt worse than anything as I have come to find out.
Sometimes as I’ve learned that others may have been jealous of your friendship with someone. They may have been making your friend’s life miserable because of you through no fault of your own. This happens when others are selfish and desire control over another person. They may call it love but that’s not how love works.
Love wants the people in your life to be happy, love is not selfish, and love does not come with conditions. Love shows in your everyday actions towards others. It shows in the little texts you send just to make them smile, the little notes you leave to let them know you were thinking of them. Or buying them there favorite food or drink and leaving it somewhere they would be sure to find it.
Love gives without expecting anything in return. When you’ve made another person smile out of pure joy then your heart fills up until its about to burst. Just seeing that person happy is enough until it’s not and they are gone.
So, if you’ve experienced this and you’ve tried to do rectify the situation but haven’t succeeded, what do you do? If you just want an answer, what do you do?
Well, for me I’ve come to the point that I am not going to do anything but pray. I have taken this person and their situation and left it in God’s hands. I don’t know what is going on in their life and no matter how bad I wanted to be there they didn’t want me there for them.
I’m not going to cling to the ‘What ifs’ and wonder what might have been because it’s not reality. I’m not going to harass them or pour my heart to them because that would only make them feel worse. It’s possible they walked away because they cared about me and didn’t want me to be caught up in their drama. I don’t know. I do feel that if that was case I should’ve had a say in it as to whether I wanted to stay or not. Why didn’t I get a goodbye?
I do know that I valued this person’s friendship and I have some really fond memories of them. I will keep those in my heart and I will continue to pray for them. I know that I loved them and that I my love was shown with everything I did for them. Maybe that scared them? That I don’t know and maybe never will.
I know that I tried and I know that my friend knows where I am if they ever need me. We may never be able to pick up where we left off but we could still have a friendship and be there for one another.
I may never get the answers I sought as to what happened but that’s OK. I trust that God knows the circumstances and that there is a reason for these kinds of things to happen. He brings people into our lives for different reasons and I am not going to question His plans for me.
So even though months later pain is still there and my heart bears the deep scars but I know I can walk away. I know that my presence would only cause more heartache and grief on their part so I will walk away. That’s how love works. You would sacrifice your own feelings and comfort for another person’s happiness. Yep, that’s how it is supposed to work.