Scars will fade…

Now before you read this please know that I know I’m not the first nor the last woman to have a c-section. I knew going into the latter part of the pregnancy that this was most likely the way we would deliver. I mean I even got a date for our planned c-section.

I thought I was prepared.

I did my research, asked tons of questions, and tried to prepare myself as best I could and I’m so glad I did that. In actuality though nothing can prepare you completely for something like this.

I’m not going into a lot of details right now about the events that led up to Miss Shyanne’s birth but I can say I’d do it a hundred times over if I had too!

Yesterday marked one week since we went to the hospital and delivered. They had put a covering, bio guard?, over the incision so I had not seen it… I’ve definitely felt it though.

When I took my shower last night the covering was starting to come off so I took it off… the doctors had told me it would soon. I couldn’t see the scar because there’s a bit of flabby belly still there and honestly, I was a bit afraid to look.

This morning I decided to check it out because I did need to make sure it looked ok and didn’t need any attention. I wasn’t prepared for that though and I admit that it sent me into a sobbing fit.

It’s ugly and a lot bigger than I expected… there’s nothing pretty about it and it really, really hurts. I know it still has a lot of healing to do and that it will fade but right now it’s a reminder of just how close we came to a completely different outcome.

Even though I wasn’t prepared I am deeply grateful for the doctors who delivered our little one and this scar will forever be a reminder of what we went through and just how tough she is.

It will be a reminder of a time when I felt completely helpless and had to give up my independence for a bit and just trust others to do what needed to be done.

It will be a reminder of how much love and support our friends and family have shown us during this time.

It will be a reminder of how much my husband loves us and proof that he can cook… and do the grocery shopping… and keep up the house… and just be the Mr. Awesome that I already knew he was. I guess I’ll cut him a little slack for leaving his socks all over the place…

I don’t really know why I wrote this today… maybe as a future reminder to myself or maybe in the hopes that it might help someone else out.

Pregnancy and childbirth can be tough no matter what the circumstances. I’m a planner and I felt confident that we had covered most of our bases but then life threw us a fast ball and I wasn’t expecting it.

This pregnancy was unexpected and I never would’ve imagined it would have went as it did because I’d never had any major issues before. Then the delivery went about the same… I’ve always been the one who could go home the same day, or next, and then jump right back into my routines but not this time.

You know what? It’s ok. Everyone has survived even if they did eat a lot of cereal, PB & Js, and tacos.

The routines and schedules we already had in place helped keep the house up and running pretty smoothly. Yes, there have been a few bumps but nothing dreadful. I’ve even been able to rest quite a bit with a houseful of kids.

Having our little one in the NICU is HARD… so very hard and I miss her so very much every minute she isn’t with me but I know that she is being well taken care of. I also know that she is a little warrior and with the progress she is making she will be home soon.

Right now I’m just trying to focus on everyone at home and getting myself better. Our delivery had been planned for the 20th so big sisters had already arranged to be here to help out.

I will be able to visit little miss a bit more with big sisters here. They will also be able to help me get some things finished up that I wasn’t able to take care of before baby made her arrival.

Things can feel overwhelming at times, especially with all of these crazy hormones right now. I just have to remember to take things slowly… if one day seems to much to deal with then deal with an hour at a time. Things will get better… slowly but surely.

Remember that it’s ok to ask for help. Whether it’s someone watching the kids so you can sleep, or washing a load or two of clothes, or fixing a meal, or grocery shopping, or maybe just lending an ear to listen… just know that it’s ok to rely on others at times.

I think this post went a little off track from where I thought I was going but we’ll just blame that on my mommy brain and pain meds right now. I hope you all have a blessed day and a wonderful weekend!

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