Finding Joy In The Difficult Days

Hey everyone! I hope you all had a wonderful weekend. We accomplished a few things like getting the new light wired in the bathroom and getting everything laid out and marked.

This took us longer than expected as we realized that the electrical boxes and such that we had already bought weren’t going to work in there. The stuff we bought was for a 2×4 wall and our walls are not quite 2×4. Rather than replace studs we opted to buy new boxes.

It wasn’t as much as I’d hoped to accomplish but we also set out a game plan that should have us moving in within the next month. The crew also came out and brought a new dishwasher and some of the parts for the fridge. They will be out again soon to bring the rest of the materials.

This weekend has also been a crazy with all of the chaos of the COVID 19 crisis. We did get to the grocery store on Thursday night only to find empty shelves everywhere and crazy restrictions on EVERYTHING. There is no asking for an exception because you have a large family… you’ll simply be told to come back tomorrow.

We did manage to find enough foods to make meals for the next couple of weeks. Mr. Awesome also found some bread over the weekend as we have been out for almost two weeks now. I kept two loaves out and put two loaves in the freezer. I’m gonna have to find and unpack a couple of recipe books so I can make some bread.

This weekend has also been a bit emotional. I just really didn’t function well Friday after my appointment because of everything… the news from the ultrasound, all the bloodwork, and that wonderful glucose test. I did find out Saturday that it looks like I passed the glucose test though! Yay!

Saturday evening I just didn’t feel well. I’ve had this headache for the past several days and nothing seems to make it go away completely. I am keeping a check on my blood pressure and it was fine so I decided to just go to bed early.

I couldn’t sleep because of all the thoughts going through my head. I just keep hearing the doctor saying ‘I’m sorry, I’m so sorry’. It’s like a broken record that just won’t stop. In my heart I know that right now we are doing all we can for our little girl. I also know that the tests we have scheduled will tell us more about her condition and what to expect when she is born but just knowing that there is a chance that we won’t be bringing this precious little one home just breaks my heart.

This pregnancy has been hard on me. I’ve had pretty much constant morning sickness, developed a thyroid condition, seem to be headed for gestational hypertension or possibly preeclampsia, developed some heart issues, and I just don’t feel like myself. Then when you put the positive NIPT test results and two ultrasounds that show some serious issues it makes for a stressful situation.

Not to mention that we still have five kiddos at home all the time plus one or two more every weekend. These kids have to eat and be taken care of as well. We have also been dealing with a lot drama with our new house which I don’t even want to think about right now. Throw a global pandemic in the mix and it’s a wonder I haven’t been sent to the crazy house yet… I could probably use the vacation though.

Basically I have two choices. I can mope around feeling sorry for my situation and just neglect everything or I can strengthen myself in the promises that God has made and make the best of the situation.

I am trying to choose the latter and trying to find joy, even if it’s the smallest sliver, in everything. Sometimes it’s not an easy thing to do but I’m trying. One foot in front of the other… one step, one day at a time.

We don’t know what the future holds and there are so many things that could happen between now and our delivery date. I can’t just sit and worry about everything because that just sucks the joy out of everything and everyone. Yeah, my attitude rubs off on everyone around me. Being in close quarters means that things can get quite depressing in a hurry.

I’ve been trying to make sure we all get outside to appreciate the beautiful weather we’ve been having and take in some fresh air. There’s just something about a nice spring day that can really lift your spirits.

Even though I don’t feel well and I have little to no energy I’m trying to appreciate this blessing of life that I’m carrying. This little girl was unexpected and although we haven’t met her yet she has completely changed our lives.

She has her own little attitude already and has already proven to be stubborn like her daddy… lol. She doesn’t like people to pressure her and she is gonna do things in her own time and her own way. She is so much more than just a diagnosis on a piece of paper… she is a beautiful little person.

I saw a shirt the other day that said something about our differences are what make us beautiful and that is so true. Each of us is unique or different in our own special way. That’s what makes life so interesting.

I’m trying to embrace all of her specialness and remember that even though things don’t seem to be going the way we had visioned, everything is going according to God’s plan.

I mean just a few years ago I never thought that losing someone I had cared so much about could have been a blessing. If I hadn’t lost that person I never would have been where I am now. I wouldn’t have experienced all the wonderful surprises that I’ve had over the past couple of years… that’s because I couldn’t see the bigger picture.

I’m not saying that there won’t be anymore tears shed … if you happen to see me spilling a few random tears it’s really not anything to worry about… but I’m gonna do my best to not let it consume me. I’m gonna cherish these last few months of pregnancy… I might even try to find a baby book to write some memories in.

Like I said earlier Little Miss Priss is her own little person already. She is way more active than I remember any of my others being at this point. I’m gonna be thankful for this because it shows she is a strong little fighter and it shows she is determined to be seen as you can often see my belly being kicked and hit from the inside.

When I’m short of breath I’m gonna remind myself that it means she is growing and taking up more space which means she is doing what she is supposed to be doing. I’ll keep doing what I can to nourish her little body and help her be as strong as can be because we don’t know what battles she might face ahead.

I have started a couple of registries because so many people were asking. (I’ll try to post the links soon.) I had planned on starting to do a little shopping once we hit the 20 week mark, which was last week, but I’m holding off a bit longer. In part due to the social distancing we have going on and in part because I just want to wait and see what the next couple of months tell us.

We have a few items already and I’m just gonna focus on getting the basics. We can buy more after she is here and when we know more about what she might need. I’ve also found some really cute ideas on Pinterest and I’m gonna try to find someone to make a lovey for her.

I’ve also joined a few online groups for pregnant moms so that maybe I can find answers to some of the questions I’ve had. I’m also hoping that maybe they can help guide me through some of these tests and tell me what I should be asking and looking for.

I did hesitate at first to share the issues with everyone but I decided I needed my village to help us through this. I also know that having so many people praying for our little girl can only help her.

We have been working on names and possibly have a first name but the middle name is still a little uncertain. I’m not sure if we will announce her full name before she is here or not… we will just have to wait and see.

Even though I’m doing my best not to worry I know that the fears will still pop up from time to time. I keep telling myself that none of them are for certain and that only God knows what the future holds for our family. I have to trust him… completely. He knows what is best and He has a reason for all of the trials we are going through.

Sorry that I’ve just rambles on and on… I feel better though getting a lot of this off my heart and hopefully it can help someone else. Right now I think I have a few hungry people that are looking for breakfast.

Today I’m gonna cherish these moments I have with my family and cherish all of these little kicks because I have been so blessed. I pray that you and your family stay safe and well during the week to come!

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