Nights Are The Hardest

Today has been a bad day, a really bad day. I won’t go into detail except to say that my heart is very heavy and sad right now. Sometimes people come into our lives unexpectedly and they make such an impact on us that we can’t imagine life without them. Sometimes we tend to overlook the bad things and choose not to see what we should be seeing because they mean so much to us.

Sometimes these things come back to haunt us. The little things we had been ignoring and choosing not to see. The little things that we just didn’t ask about or the things that just didn’t make sense and weren’t questioned suddenly turn into an erupting volcano. Sometimes there’s a warning that things are about to take a sudden turn but often times it just happens out of the blue.

Then we are left wondering what we could’ve and should’ve done differently. Did we handle the situation correctly or maybe we should have given them just one more chance. While we don’t want them to feel like we’ve given we know that we can’t just keep letting things slide either. We have to stand up for our values and beliefs and instead of clinging to the hopes that someone will change, we may just need to let them go.

We can’t force someone to change, change must come from within. Sometimes we need to distance ourselves from others so that everyone involved can see the problem more clearly. It also helps us to get our thoughts straight. When we can see and think clearly we may see the solution come to light. While others may feel like we have abandoned them when the going got tough, we are really just trying to protect ourselves from getting hurt even more.

The downfall is that we may start to dwell on the problems and our thoughts may run rampant. For me, I can keep myself pretty busy and occupied during the day, if I try. I must find something else to focus on and I have to pray, really pray hard. If I don’t, I find that the problem can become an obsession which is not good for anyone. Luckily I have a few little people who can keep me occupied and busy.

However, once night falls and the kids are in bed I start to settle down. I will take the dog out for her last walk before bed and the stillness of the night gets to me. I put her in her bed and switch off the lights before heading to bed myself. I will get up a couple of times to double check the doors, the lights, and the loft gate. I will listen to my sleeping babes and listen to the sounds of the night on our little pond.

I hear the animals calling out for their mates and I feel so lonely. All I can think about is how lonely I am. Really I was lonely before this as we had stopped communicating a while back. I don’t know what caused it for sure but I did try to fix it. Could I have done more? Did I try too hard? Who knows what I could’ve done.

My mind replays the good times and then it replays the bad times, both of which bring tears to my eyes. I lay here and wonder what the future holds. I am comforted because I know that God has a plan and a purpose for everything. I also know that He can bring some of the greatest blessings out of our hardest trials. This helps to calm me and bring me peace about the situation but it is still hard to accept that this person is gone, maybe forever.

Love can be such a crazy fickle thing but it can also be one of the greatest feelings in the whole world. I am reminded that my God loves me more than anyone here on earth can and that He is looking out for me. I know that He will provide me with all that I need and I can find rest in His arms when I am ready to let go and give my problems over to Him.

Why not join me? If you have something that is bothering you and keeping you up then please join me in asking God to take care of it and leave it in His hands.

Right now, Heavenly Father I pray that You will touch anyone reading this and help them with whatever their situation is, that You will bring them the healing they need for whatever they are going through, that You will give them the strength and courage to face tomorrow because it is a new day, a day full of blessings unknown. Please Lord take our worries and cares and deal with them as You see fit. In Jesus name, Amen.

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