When God Says No, Not Yet…

A couple of weeks ago I posted about some BIG NEWS that we might have to share… well, unfortunately, that big news is no news this time. Yes, I’m a little heartbroken, well maybe more than just a little.

Once again we had set out to look for a house but this time we had found the PERFECT one! It wasn’t too big or too small… in fact, it was the only one we’ve seen that felt like HOME the moment I walked in the front door. I was afraid to say anything because I didn’t want to ‘jinx it’. I prayed and had some of my family and close friends praying about it. I also knew in my heart that I needed to be prepared for any outcome.

Everyone seemed pretty optimistic as we filled out the paperwork and submitted it for approval. Let me tell you that waiting, with fingers and toes crossed, is very agonizing. Then we got word that the loan was not approved… my heart sank. We tried again with a co-signer, then again with another company, and another with the same answer. I knew that GOD was saying NO, Not yet my child.

However now we know what the problem(s) are and we are taking steps to fix this in the future. These issues have probably caused us to miss out on this PERFECT house but I know that in the future there will be a time when GOD does say YES and it will be more than we ever expected.

Unfortunately, when you are self-employed it can be rather difficult to prove your income and had we realized the issues earlier we could have made changes. One of those changes was that last month I worked on getting my Notary/Wedding Officiant Business up and going. I haven’t had any clients yet but hopefully, that will change soon as I have placed a couple of ads here and there.

Although I have been paying down debts that were incurred before, during, and after my divorce, my income-to-debt ratio was a couple of numbers above what they really wanted to see. I have been doing a few other miscellaneous side jobs to bring in a little bit of income to help pay down these debts a little faster.

The disappointment still hurts and I have been a bit disheartened by the whole experience. I had already gotten my hopes up, counted my chickens before they had hatched you could say and was saving Pins and screenshots left and right. I could picture us in that house and it seemed so PERFECT. The view of the pond would’ve been the best thing to wake up to every morning and I was so looking forward to it.

I have really been missing the fact that I haven’t had my own space here… a place where I can just relax and have a time out every now and then. That house had plenty of space where I could chill out and blog or work on one of the many projects I have laying around. It would have also had the perfect area for homeschooling… sigh… it also had two bathrooms and two bathtubs!

Now bringing myself back to reality and out of my daydreams has been hard. Have I questioned GOD? No, honestly I haven’t because I know from past experiences that I must trust HIS plan and not question it because HE knows our future and HE knows what is in store for us down the road. It is a hard thing to accept that HE has said NO to this when it all felt so right.

It is a very hard thing on some days more than others. I can remember when I first walked in and I saw the kids’ faces… they were so excited! They actually had plenty of room to roll around and play on the floor. The whole layout was just so wonderful… if we ever had the opportunity to build our own house I would probably want a similar layout with just a few minor tweaks here and there.

That will be sometime in the future… maybe. But for today I have to just accept that it isn’t in the plans right now and trust that something will come along in the future. We will keep working towards our goals and hopefully be better prepared when the next opportunity comes around. We do have one more loan request out to a private lender but it may be a little while before we hear back so I will wait as patiently as I can.

The past few weeks have been stressful, to say the least. All of the waiting and such had made me quite irritable. Not too mention that we kept putting things off because we were ‘waiting to see’ what would happen. This meant a lot of things kept piling up around us as we were kind of in limbo. Our little cabin was beginning to look and feel a bit cluttered.

The clutter was really affecting me because I just don’t function well with the clutter. I knew that I couldn’t control what happens with the housing situation but there are some things that I can control. Things like the way our current house looks and feels.

Today I decided that we needed to do a quick spring cleaning of sorts. Earlier in the week, I had decided that we would go back to our old cleaning routine as the new one was not working out quite as well as I had hoped it would. Today we got caught up on some of the other chores and moved the furniture to clean thoroughly. We also managed to find a few things that had gone missing.

While our house is still small it definitely looks and feels better right now. I still have a pile of things that I need to work on and I did manage to make a small space to work even though it isn’t really separate from anything. I had to move our ‘Google‘ to another location as the kids love using it to answer questions, play games, and watch videos. Now I have the island pretty much to myself and my numerous projects which have been piling up. For a stay at home mom, I stay pretty busy with a wide variety of tasks.

I think this weekend I will also be getting back to journaling as that helped me so much when I was going through some difficult times before. I will also be going through the school supplies I have stored in the shed to find the supplies I had bought to go with our next Little House on The Prairie Book, On The Banks of Plum Creek.

I had put everything in totes back when we planned to build a new bookshelf but like I said everything has been in limbo waiting to see about the new house and now I need to go find my stuff in the shed. I have made up a basic set of lesson plans that I’m really excited about and the kids have been begging to start the next book so this needs to happen this weekend!

Anyways… just remember not to lose hope when things don’t go as planned. Remember that GOD has a plan and HIS plan is ALWAYS better than anything we could imagine. I know its hard to do sometimes but have FAITH and try not to be discouraged.


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