Another Day Original Blog Post April 21, 2016
I’m sitting here trying to finish a cup of coffee before anyone else wakes up. After my overwhelming day yesterday which has been full of weeks and months of overwhelming days I really need a break. I’m not picky, I’ll take them whenever I can get them.
I hope everyone is a little less stressed and overwhelmed as I am. I am telling myself that today will be better than yesterday and I am determined that it will be. The past few weeks have been hard, so very hard emotionally, mentally and physically. The stress of divorce is taking is toll on me in every way. We had a bout of the flu a few weeks ago and I feel like I just can’t get over it. Not to mention that I have had a headache almost every day for the past month. (I suffer from migraines.) I probably should go to the doctor but with no insurance it would probably cost me a small fortune.
It seems that everything has just been irritating me lately. The kids have been so loud. The phone rings too many times. Nothing I do seems to go as planned. Unexpected bills keep popping up. One of the kids keeps bossing everyone around and another one’s favorite word is ‘Butthead’. I know I’m just stressed so I have to keep reminding myself that I need to slow down and BREATHE!
Yesterday I had to take a small break, in my closet, to ask GOD to help me get through the evening. Afterwards I felt renewed and I was able to get the island cleared. I designated one of the girls to clean the playroom, and another to put away some dishes in the lower cabinets. The kids took turns coming and getting ‘assignments’ from me as I fixed dinner. The playroom was cleaned and every room was fairly neat before dinner. I pulled out the paper plates and served dinner. (I would’ve opted for pizza but the drive to get it just seemed to much.)
I was kind of craving a glass of wine but I don’t have any alcohol in the house so I opted for a glass of Coca Cola and a piece of leftover chocolate from Easter.
After dinner everyone seemed a little quieter. The girls cleared the table and swept the floors while I gave the little boys a bath. Watching the water drain made me remember what I had forgotten earlier. So I grabbed the drain tool and cleared the hair out of it. I finished up the kitchen, fixed the coffee pot for the morning, started the dishwasher and sat with the kids until it was their bedtime.
When they were settled in bed I took a couple minutes and jotted down some things I need to work on for today like picking out some wedding outfits for the little boys so big sister can approve them, clearing off the top of my desk, clearing off the work area of my desk, putting away the piles of school papers into the portfolios, and trying on the outfit I plan to wear to court next week.
Then I went to bed. I lay in bed every night and try my best to fall asleep. Sleep doesn’t come easy. I lay there and I pray. I pray about everything and I thank GOD for all he has done. I pray that he will take away the pain I feel both physical and emotional. I’ve prayed that he would have his way, not mine, in this situation. I pray that he will build a hedge of protection around my family and me. I thank him for all he has done for me and my family. I know I don’t thank him enough and he is so good to me. It always ends in tears. The pain seems so unbearable at times and it seems like it will never get easier. All I can do is cry out for GOD to help me with this and help me get to a place where it doesn’t hurt so bad. I have to pray for the strength to get through the next day, and the next. It is getting easier but it still hurts every time I find an old note, an old picture, or a forgotten memory pops up.
Its so easy to let it get you down. You need to stay on guard. This is when the DEVIL likes to sneak in. Ask GOD to put a hedge around you and your family. GOD will protect you and give you the strength you need when you feel you just can’t go on. Trust me, I know! I’ve been there so many times lately. I don’t deserve the mercy and grace he shows me everyday. I really hope everyone has a BLESSED day!